AN ODE TO BAD TELEVISION AND ITS BRIGHTEST STARS.
And the Emmy goes to... none of these people but it should have.
When I was a kid, I was obsessed with American daytime soaps. Daytime soaps had such an embarrassingly real impact on me during my most formative years; in fact, obsessively watching NBC’s preeminent soap opera, Days of Our Lives, is how I learned to speak English. My love for this soap opera also basically kick-started my love for television—in fact, I’d still cite it as one of the most important pieces of television I’ve ever watched. In my defence, any show that can pull off the Salem Stalker storyline; wherein beloved character, Marlena Evans, is brainwashed by Andre DiMera (the even more evil twin of Tony DiMera because of course he was, these soaps loved their evil twins) into becoming a serial killer killing off the townsfolk, only for it to be revealed that none of the people she killed were actually dead, instead they had somehow been trapped on a mystery island called Melaswen Island (which, yes, when spelled backwards is… New Salem), deserves to be lauded as one of the most important television shows of all time; in fact, I think every 8 year old should watch this show for educational purposes like I did. Needless to say, my love for this show and others like it (absolutely bonkers television) informed a lot of my tastes for television in general throughout my teens and now adulthood—basically, what I’m saying is that I’ve watched a lot of ‘bad television’ (and I had fun!).
Although, mathematically speaking, there’s a lot more bad television than there is good television; not all bad television is made equal. Some bad television shows are so bad they’re actually kind of good. The issue is that nobody can really agree on the criteria a show needs in order to achieve ‘so bad, it’s good’ status because taste is, after all, subjective. However, as someone who considers themselves a bit of an expert on bad television, I believe there are two essential things a show needs in order to achieve ‘so bad, it’s good’ status:
The show needs to fully commit to being utterly ridiculous. If I’m gonna watch a terrible television show, I need to be having fun.
A performance (or two if you’re lucky), so ridiculously good that you’re left wondering if the actor/actress is threatened with unemployment every time they shoot a take.
Recent events—me randomly being baited into rewatching Gossip Girl from the beginning because I spend way too much on the internet and the algorithm randomly decided I needed to see Serena van der Woodsen edits everywhere—have prompted me to think about some of my favourite performances in bad television shows. So, as a little fun activity here’s a comprehensive look at my nominees for Outstanding Performance In a Television Show That is So Bad It is Basically Ineligible for an Emmy.
TROIAN BELLISARIO IN PRETTY LITTLE LIARS
Freeform’s—ABC Family to those on the wrong side of the millennial/gen z divide—hit teen drama, Pretty Little Liars, was as ridiculous as they come and as the seasons went on, the more the show fully embraced the utter ridiculousness of its premise, completely dropping all pretence of being a ‘good show’. Literally half the show was a bunch of teenage girls—played by full grown tax paying citizens with mortgages, of course—running around in the woods at night and dramatically gasping every time one of them got a text message; and the other half was Sasha Pieterse, who was an actual teenager for much of the show’s run, showing up on set in between her play dates to be mean to girls a decade older than her. By the end, the show had gone full soap opera down to the illegitimate children, fake deaths and evil British twins; thus reaching its final form as one of the greatest bad television shows in the history of the medium.
Amidst all the delicious ridiculousness that this show gave us, it also gave us one of the most surprisingly good television performances in recent memory with Troian Bellisario’s turn as Spencer Hastings. At the beginning of the series, the powers that be (menace to society, Marlene King and friends) had positioned Aria Montgomery (Lucy Hale) to be the show’s focal point/main girl, which was understandable given the fact that Lucy was arguably one of the more recognisable faces in this cast filled with barely recognisable actors; and also, Aria’s return to Rosewood is what essentially sets the events that would unfold over the show’s seven seasons in motion. However the main girl-ification of Aria Montgomery proved to be a failed experiment that was quickly abandoned when Marlene King & Co. realised that Aria wasn’t nearly interesting enough of a character to fulfil this role; the show needed to switch gears and as soon as they realised what they had in Troian Bellisario, the show set up the greatest carry-job in television history.
Pretty Little Liars had no shortage of perfectly competent actors and actresses (and some completely atrocious ones but for legal purposes, I cannot name any names) but Troian Bellisario was simply a class or three above the rest. She approached the role of Spencer Hastings with such profound empathy and clear understanding of this character’s motivations, fears, hopes and dreams. Although all of the core female characters on the show were surprisingly well-written and compelling in their own ways, at least half the reason why Spencer Hastings, in particular, proved to be the most compelling and well-rounded character on the show came down to Troian’s performance; which was such an incredible feat considering the fact that by nature, this show was inherently impatient, moving from point A to B with ridiculous swiftness that meant that Spencer would get a four-episode drug addiction arc that’s not spoken about again for seasons and it was up to Troian to portray the constant emotional and psychological toll this would realistically have on Spencer. It was up to Troian to deliver the emotional and psychological nuances that added so much depth to this character, depth that wasn’t necessarily on the page. As a result every Troian Bellisario scene on Pretty Little Liars felt like a potential Emmy reel—she was equal parts funny (which the show called for given how ridiculous it progressively got), and refreshingly earnest in her portrayal of this character; and if there was an Emmy for carrying an entire show on your back for seven seasons, she’d win it.
A.J COOK IN CRIMINAL MINDS
Canada’s princess, A.J Cook’s portrayal of Jennifer “JJ” Jareau is the standout performance in Criminal Minds’ entire run—mind you, this is a show that once employed the services of THE Mandy Patinkin for two whole seasons. JJ is a particularly interesting character because she’s a character that hardens over the course of the 16 seasons—when we meet her, she’s this young exuberant figure that is armed with an always ringing cell phone, a winning smile and endless compassion; however, over the course of the show’s run, we watch her grow and become increasingly haunted by the things she’s seen and lived through. However, despite all that character evolution and hardening, JJ remains one of the show's bright spots and that mostly comes down to A.J Cook’s performance. Armed with more charisma in her pinky than most actors could ever dream of and the ability to turn personalising the case of the week and making it all about herself into a performance worthy of all the accolades, A.J Cook stands uncontested as this show’s brightest star.
LEIGHTON MEESTER IN GOSSIP GIRL
So here’s the thing, I’m a Serena girl through and through. Blake Lively, teary eyed pleading at whoever she's wronged every other episode is probably my favourite acting choice of all time; especially when it was directed at Blair and it felt weirdly homoerotic. However, Leighton Meester is, without a doubt, the true standout of this operation. Whilst not a carry job of Troian Bellisario in Pretty Little Liars proportions— seeing as Gossip Girl had one of the more stronger ensemble of actors than other teen dramas of the time—Leighton Meester’s turn as Blair Waldorf was a surprisingly compelling one seeing as 80% of what she did on the show was throw out witty insults to anyone who so much as looked at her the wrong way and call everyone who lived in Brooklyn poor. However, increasingly bad writing and the worst love interests of all time—seriously, how did Serena date every inappropriate guy in Manhattan and still come out the loser in the who can have the worst taste in men Olympics because at least she didn’t date BOTH Chuck Bass and Dan Humphrey—could not stop Leighton Meester from giving a performance worthy of at least a serious For Your Consideration campaign. There’s nothing Leighton couldn’t and didn’t do on this show. She had this innate feel for comedy—something she went on to prove over a decade later on the short lived but surprisingly delightful ABC sitcom, Single Parents—and an even better capacity for deeply moving dramatic work that had you believing every single moment of insecurity, joy, anger and hurt hidden beneath every classic Blair Waldorf barbed remark. If anyone deserved to be the star beyond this show, it was her; but instead we get Penn Badgely leading the sexless television movement or whatever the hell he’s doing on this You season 4 press tour… which is fine, I guess.
MELISSA BENOIST AND CHYLER LEIGH IN SUPERGIRL
The CW’s Supergirl is quite possibly the worst television show I’ve ever had the displeasure of watching. In fact, it’s so bad, it doesn’t even qualify for ‘it’s so bad, it’s good’ status. However, the show does qualify for the ‘worst show with the most talented cast in television history’ status. This cast was so incredibly stacked that I was almost tempted to headline this section as THE ENTIRE CAST OF SUPERGIRL AND KATIE MCGRATH WHO’S ALSO ON THIS SHOW FOR SOME REASON.
This is a show that at one point boasted the talents of Melissa Benoist, Chyler Leigh, David Harewood, Calista Flockhart, and Broadway darlings, Jeremy Jordan and Laura Benanti in the same season. Heck even the vampire dad from Twilight was on this show at some point. However, even with all that talent floating in and out, and perhaps the greatest television casting of all time, Melissa Benoist as Kara Danvers aka Supergirl; the show was borderline unwatchable for the most part. That didn’t stop me from watching it though—I watched over a hundred episodes of this show and I would do it again because while the writing was on a sharp decline from episode one, this is a show with such heart and charm that it’s nearly impossible not to fall in love with it once you make the mistake of watching it, and that all comes down to the performances; especially Melissa Benoist and Chyler Leigh who, together, were the beating heart of this show.
The relationship between Kara and her adoptive older sister, Alex Danvers is without a doubt, the best part of this show. The chemistry between Melissa and Chyler makes for one of the greatest sibling dynamics I’ve ever seen; but even outside of their dynamic with each other, they turn in such compelling performances. Melissa Benoist—a relative newcomer when she got the role—turns in an endlessly charming and layered performance as Kara Danvers, which is a feat when you consider the fact that the character was basically written as ‘Clark Kent in a skirt’. Armed with the ability to make you laugh and break your heart all within a millisecond, she leads this ensemble with an earnest charm that cannot be taught; charm that will always make you believe every single acting choice she makes and root for her, always. Melissa’s Supergirl never really stood a chance but that was definitely no fault of Melissa’s making; in fact, having Melissa Benoist in the role turned a borderline mockery of an iconic character, into something semi-respectful. Not to be outdone, Chyler Leigh, an underrated television great who is no stranger to giving performances that are full of heart, did so tenfold on this show. I truly believe that she should have been nominated for an Emmy for every tearful monologue she delivered; or at the very least, a special Emmy award for what she did during Alex’s season 2 coming out arc, for lesbians who had intense teenage friendships that fell apart as a result of not knowing they were gay—an arc during which Chyler gave the performance of her life, as we’ve come to expect.
DIANNA AGRON IN GLEE
Until last year, I had never watched a single episode of Glee and I kind of wish that was still the case. When the show was all the rage and every 13 year old girl ran a tumblr blog dedicated to Klaine for some reason, I was doing much saner things, like reading gay Pretty Little Liars fanfiction; and you know what, maybe that was for the best because nobody who watched Glee before puberty grew up to be sane, functional members of society. However, despite all of Glee’s faults, it did do at least one thing right; introduce burgeoning lesbians all across the world to the wonder that is Dianna Agron. During that insane 3 weeks last year during which I inhaled the first three seasons of Glee like I was huffing glue, chasing a high; I experienced what I can only describe as late onset Agron-mania. This is a phenomenon that most people my age experienced at a much younger age; symptoms include a homosexual fascination with Dianna Agron. However, don’t be fooled, Dianna is so much more than just catnip for gay girls everywhere, she’s also an incredibly gifted actress.
I don’t think I’ve ever watched a show that had less of an understanding of its own characters than Glee. By the time I got to season 3, the last season on my watch, it started to feel like the show didn’t really have any interest in its characters—most of them felt incredibly one note, and they all suffered from inconsistent writing and unclear motivations. These characters were so badly written, that I’m convinced that the only reason most of them are beloved is because they could hold a note. But not Dianna; this oppressed alto queen had to rely on her acting abilities to secure her fan favourite status. Dianna’s turn as Quinn Fabray is a remarkable feat because even though quite literally no character on that show, and perhaps the history of television, suffered from worse writing, it’s still one of the more compelling performances on the show. Other than Santana (played by the equally transcendent Naya Rivera), Quinn was easily the most interesting (and closest thing to multidimensional) character on the show; and that was all because of Dianna Agron. The way she was able to play a character that was supposed to be unlikable and one-dimensional with such aching empathy, giving her more depth than there ever was on the page, takes a special talent. The choice to portray Quinn with a quiet sorrow ensured that even during the most insane, completely out of touch with reality, story arcs, the character never felt like a caricature in the way that a lot of the other characters often did; Quinn always felt heartbreakingly real. So if I were to give Dianna Agron an Emmy, it would be for surviving Glee as an alto.